Ladies Ski Pants

please tell me if these jokes are funny be warned these are crude?

How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard." There are four kinds of sex : HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room. BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom. HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU" COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got. Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!". The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!" A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this... 'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.' She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away." So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?" Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"

Public Comments

1. Haha~ love the one about the construction workers... will definitely share it with my friends :)
2. hahahahaha.. i ALMOST didnt get the last one... ! thanks for sharing...
3. The last two jokes are the best! i think the worker was just horny and not stupid and how did he ring the door bell (that's just wrong) Good jokes
4. All ar very funny. But I particulalry like joke of construction workers.
5. lol....try this......i like this one......i was riding a horse the other day.....and this horse was going crazy.....he was trying to throw me off......really thought that horse was gonna kill me.......thank god for the walmart employee.......he came and unplugged the machine just in time
6. Oh My God! Those were absolutely hilarious! Here's one for you... A man is doing some gardening, unable to find his rake he waves to his wife once he has her attention he points to his eye then his knee then makes a raking motion, meaning i need a rake. his wife points to her eye then shows her breast then points to her bum and then points to her vagina. the man is shocked and runs upstairs and says, "i was just asking for the rake, what's wrong with you!" she repeats the actions with commentary, "eye, left tit, behind, the bush"!!!. ---